Patton On The Move
- posted by Mail Clerk @ 11:17 AM | Permanent Link

Fresh off taping a (mostly) new comedy special, Patton Oswalt is currently on a west-coast comedy tour produced by Chunklet editor and former Athenian Henry Owings. There's a camera crew on board, so expect a documentary of the events sooner or later. And though busy, Patton's still updating his online diary almost daily with no lack of funny. A few of my recent favorites include...

"Every successful endeavor should end with a New York sunset and a grilled cheese sandwich eaten while you watch a transvestite scream at a pile of newspapers."
--
"...nothing could prepare me for the doom-soaked atmosphere of our Seattle residential hotel, which I'm going to call the James Whitmore Hangs Himself In THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION Suites. ... And how about my bed, made lumpy by the dozens of teenage hookers who fought for their lives as a trucker on black beauties tried to strangle them. Oh, and lost. I left that part out."
--
"What I've been thinking is this: I now have objective evidence that Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, and anyone else on a reality show, is in fact a worthless, empty shitbag full of howling winds and crying children wandering through ruins. Being observed 24/7 is soul-killing. I really had no idea it'd be this much of a drag.

But to want to do it continuously, season after season, year after year of your life, bespeaks a narcissism with an undertow that not even light and information can escape. 90% of life is boring, unmemorable, and worthy of being consigned to oblivion. The sad fact is we're wasting more and more of our free time watching other people's worthless 90%.

Scotch, fast!"

Click here to read more (and check out that Paris link - it's funny and more work-safe than these quotes which you've already read).