Tales from The REAL O.C. - Oconee County, Beyotch!
- posted by Legal Bitch @ 9:12 AM | Permanent Link

So this will be a new weekly column by me, Legal Bitch, where we will juxtapose the crap you see weekly on The O.C. with a true story from my life growing up in Oconee County. For those of you who know me well, you know that I didn't have a typical upbringing, nor do I have typical family members. And I grew up in Oconee County (obviously). (Since W prevented me from watching The O.C. last night, just assume it was a normal episode with skinny girl, dark haired girl, indie ironic nerdy boy, and brooding boy, and they get into some sticky situation which is resolved in an hour, and some making out occurs or someone gets in a fight. There you go, I saved you an hour.)

Our first tale from The REAL O.C. begins in Oconee County, circa 1984. I had no friends back then (do I even now??), and I didn't live in a suburban neighborhood like you guys, I lived on a road. It was common to hear roosters crowing or gunshots ringing out in the distance. Entertainment was scarce and there weren't any kids around my age to play with, so I had to make my own fun. I watched lots of t.v., and one day I happened to catch Saturday Night Fever on Superstation TBS (back then it was just Channel 17 on the UHF dial). I thought it would be AWESOME to have a light-up dance floor like Travolta did. So what did Lil' LB do? I took all my construction paper out, taped it together on the floor of our living room, and started practicing my super kick-ass dance moves (I figured I would enlist the help of my brother or my uncle later to work out the whole lighting issue for my new dance floor). Naturally, my brother caught me, made fun of me, and told our mom. My mom got pissed and told me to pick all my crap up off the floor, and she better not find any scotch tape stuck to the hardwoods or I'd be getting an ass-whupping from my grandma (more on her in later installments, what a hardass). So, I picked it up. But I didn't want to waste my construction paper, so I decided to take my hole punch and make confetti and have a party with my Barbies! So I punched all the construction paper into confetti and threw it in the air in the kitchen during Barbie's Tea Time when we found out that Skipper had her first kiss with my brother's G.I. Joe doll. My mom was seriously pissed then. We found confetti in the kitchen for years. And she took away my hole punch.