Tales from the REAL O.C. - Makeup Assignment
- posted by Legal Bitch @ 1:49 PM | Permanent Link

Since I've taken nothing but crap from my so-called "friends" this week over missing last Friday's O.C. post, I'll do one each day for the rest of the week. Then will you be happy????

Much like most folks with day jobs, around the holidays you have to attend the obligatory office Christmas party. My dad isn't much of a party person, but he would go for free food and the door prizes. So the morning after the Crimma party, my dad comes home and calls me into the kitchen screaming "Legal Bitch, Legal Bitch, I've got a surprise for you - a very special present!!" Awesome, I though, assuming it was a Pound Puppy or maybe that Speak n' Spell I always wanted. My dad's face lit up with excitement as I ran into the kitchen. He reached down into a paper bag and grabbed a box and shook it - "Guess what I won at the Crimma party for my little girl..." and pulls out... the Michael Jackson doll.



I stared in complete shock and horror - did my father even know who I was? MJ was still human back then, but what was I going to do with a Michael Jackson doll? I liked Thriller as much as the next kid, but for some reason, this doll really gave me the heebie jeebies.

So my dad, bright bulb that he is, assumed my non-responsiveness meant that I didn't know who Michael Jackson was. So he proceeded to explain MJ's identity to me as follows:

"It's Michael Jackson...You know, Jackson 5.... uh, before your time....oh, what about the PYT....Pretty Young Thang...EEEEEE EEEE EEEEE OOOOHHHHHH....NA NA NA NAAAA NAA NAAAA NAAAAAAA....God, you still don't get it? This guy is all over the t.v. For Christ's sake! Alright, what about that one that you watch on Friday Night Videos with the jacket and the pool table and the gang and that bitchin' guitar solo...oh, the BEAT IT, BEAT IT, BEAT IT song....Are you deaf? Are you following me here? Goddammit, he's the black dude with the chimp! Put him with your Brooke Shields doll and you'll remember who he is...or do you have a Webster doll? Yeah, I said it. Damn dolls, damn kid, merry christmas!" He threw the doll on the table and stalked off. Probably to shoot at little birds or kittens or something...jerk.

I remember the doll came in his red leather jacket outfit, and he of course had the sparkly glove (and his own microphone so he can kick out the jamz!). I took it out of the box and immediately became scared of it. I put him back in the box and begged my dad to take it back to work that night and trade with one of his co-workers. He brought me back a 500 piece puzzle that had two puppies on it ("You know what puppies are right, Legal Bitch? They go Woof Woof!! F##$in' Michael Jackson doll!").