Most Disturbing Songs Ever
- posted by Mail Clerk @ 2:39 AM | Permanent Link

So I'm trying to compile a definite list of the world's most subtly disturbing songs ever written. Basically, any song that is really creepy but doesn't necessarily mean to be. Either the lyrics go astray or based on who's singing them or whatever.

Here's what I've got so far (in no particular order), lyrics linked to through song title, video and audio evidence provided where available, and I welcome further suggestions...


"What's So Wrong With You Loving Me" by Irma Thomas &
"If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right" by Luther Ingram

Samples:
"If I'm not afraid to love you,
and I'm not free,
Tell me what's so wrong
With you lovin' me?"

"Am I wrong to fall
So deeply in love with you...
Knowing you've got a wife and two little children
Depending on you too..."

A coupla' classic soul songs about cheating. They both have in common this factor: the song's protagonists have pretty much stepped past morality at the time the story's being told into sort of the mutual Stockholm Syndrome type situation. They're pretty much like, "Eff the other folks, we need to do this." There are tons of cheating songs out there, but the special lack of remorse in these characters (and almost a self-righteous bravado in some lines) makes them special cases for creepy. They're basically pro-cheating. Weird.

Here's Luther at Wattstax:




"All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You" by Heart
(Stolen from here.)

Sample:
"And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note
I told him
I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree"

The story basically goes as this: Ann Wilson's cruising the highway, finds some dude hitching in the rain, takes him to a nearby motel, they do it all night, and she ditches in the morning. Not sure if the metaphorical "tree" they planted is a kid or an std or what, but it's creepy nonetheless. Plus, later in the song she adds that if they meet again, she'll likely be with some other dude and he shouldn't try for her, but he should know that there's something the hitcher did for her that her fictional future man could not. How does she know this? Is she psychic for her own neuroses? What the hell? Actually, I think it might've been written by Mutt Lange... which makes it WAY grosser.

Video Gross-ness:




"Tonight's The Night" by Rod Stewart

Sample:
"Don't say a word my virgin child
Just let your inhibitions run wild
The secret is about to unfold
Upstairs before the night's too old
Tonights the night
It's gonna be alright"

Yeah, it's about Mr. Stewart deflowering some girl. And the thing is, it starts out a little vague and subtle. It's a catchy tune with some solid musicianship and at its start you're thinking, "Hey, this is a pretty good song..." But the subtlety goes right out the window with the whole "Spread your wings and let me come inside" line. Seriously, I know Rod Stewart was hugely famous and all, but it all seems entirely inappropriate. Like he's secretly her uncle or something. He would, of course, then go on to descend into full cheese-ball-ness.

Here's a special treat to help illustrate the point... Spice Girl Emma Bunton performing the song with Rod! She even cringes at the aforementioned line:




"P.Y.T." by Michael Jackson
(Stolen from a site I can't find again.)

Sample:
"Hit The City Lights
Then Tonight Ease The Lovin' Pain
Let Me Take You To The Max
I Want To Love You (P.Y.T.)
Pretty Young Thing
You Need Some Lovin' (T.L.C.)
Tender Lovin' Care
And I'll Take You There"

Okay, this is probably the cheapest joke I could make with an article like this, and it's a stolen one at that. But I would argue that it would be creepy even before the accusations because it's Michael Jackson and he says, "Pretty Young Thing". Granted, he is explicitly talking to a lady in this song. But why put the "young" in there? It matches the beat and all, but there are a variety of monosyllabic adjectives out there... why this one? Would you ever call your nearly-age-matched significant other "pretty young thing"? Just a little off-putting, that's all. Plus, you know, I want to stress to anyone who hasn't heard the song: this is Michael Jackson singing this.

There's not really a vid for this song, but here's some live clips someone's edited with the song underneath. Kinda funny:




"Let's Do It Again" by the Staple Singers

Sample:
"Let's do it in the mornin'
Sweet breeze in the summer time
Feeling your sweet face
All laid up next to mine
Sweet love in the midnight
Good sleep, come mornin' light
No worries 'bout nothin'
Just gettin' good, just gettin' good
Just gettin' good love"

For the moment, let's ignore the "I feel like a Butterfinger" line from this song (we can pass the blame to producer/songwriter Isaac Hayes on that one) and let's focus on what's really disturbing about the song: the alternating woman/man parts are sung by Mavis Staples and Pops Staples - her father! How weird is that? Double up on the fact that the Staple Singers were some kind of moral force that arose from the church to deliver spiritual and political anthems throughout the 50's, 60's, and 70's only to have this final successful single be all about love-making raunch. By any other group, or really even if you'd just gotten Isaac himself to do the lead male vocal, this would be another great 70's soul/funk hit about gettin' it on. As it stands, it's like some nasty Electra complex slow dance anthem.

Here's a snippet with an equally unlikely couple:


And in case you've never heard the song and want to actually creep yourself out with the real duet factor, here's a video featuring the full song set to beach scenes:



"I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues" by Elton John

Sample:
"Laughing like children,
Living like lovers
Rolling like thunder
Under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues"

You all know you cringe at the line about him "rolling like thunder under the covers". And the thing is this: some people say it's because he's gay, but that's not it. The reason is two-fold: 1) It's a weird line. It's ambiguous and no one knows what that means and it doesn't sound appealing in the slightest and 2) He's Elton John. If you took a poll, I'd bet you'd find that 99.9% of gay people don't even find that concept appealing with him involved. Or at all. Plus, it's a woman in the song anyway. So, let's all stop the homophobic finger-pointing and agree that no one wants to roll like thunder under the covers and would prefer a more appealing simile.

Elton rolling like thunder through the years:




"Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes
(Stolen from Vet Pharmacist)

Sample:
"I was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn-out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read"

Everyone knows the chorus to this song, and many know of its most brilliant use in a film (in the Norm McDonald vehicle "Dirty Work"), but often people miss the weirdo lyrics. Really, think about it, it's dude that's totally burned out in his relationship answering a personal ad for blind date, which turns out to have been placed by his girlfriend who was also burned out. In the song, they end up laughing about it and re-discovering each other. In life, we're talking about total disaster. Months of counseling after the break-up. And a total, systemic shock upon meeting eyes in the moment. Plus, the possible lifelong realization that you're both doomed to eventually bore the hell out of anyone else you meet despite how interesting you might seem at the start. But maybe that's the lesson The Pina Colada song has to teach us all in its own very creepy way.

To really soak it in, you have to see Rupert perform it:

Labels: Comedy, Conversation Topics, TDJ Originals