Wednesday, November 19, 2008
In honor of The AV Club's interview with Chunklet's Henry Owings, and his comments about the Barbecue Pants set (opening for Dinosaur Jr.), it seemed only fitting to go back in time today and revisit the awesome "I Trusted You" performance from the 40 Watt.
Here's the original skit with Andy Kaufmann.
Here's part 1 and part 2 of Barbecue Pants' version.
Friday, October 10, 2008
If you haven't seen this video of Zach Galifianakis berating an audience member for talking on a cell phone during his set, you should. It's old, but funny. (NSFW)
We made it, kids. It's the weekend! As usual, Athens is not short on choices of things to get into.Friday:
You will find a variety of acts at the 40 Watt this weekend, thanks to Chunklet. Deerhunter returns to Athens after a small hiatus, and comedian Brent Weinbach is performing as well. Other bands include Twin Tigers and Gentleman Jesse & His Men. This is all in honor of Chunklet Magazine's 15th Anniversary.
The Found Footage Festival at Cine' seems like an entertaining choice as well. Bet there's some weird stuff in all that old footage. Star Room Boy Dave Marr writes about it here. Over at the Caledonia, there's The Winter Sounds, Little Francis, and Allison Weiss. The Holy Liars are at Farm 255, brand new band Favorite Cousins is at Flicker, and the Bearfoot Hookers are at Fat Daddy's on the Eastside. The Empties are at the Tasty World, Adam Klein is on WUGA at 4 p.m., and if you need to get your dance on, DJ Baby Pandas is hookin' the tunes up at the Go Bar.
Saturday:
Game day. This is another big one: Dawgs vs. the TN Vols.
More of the Chunklet extravaganza. Tonight is Mastodon with comedian Brian Posehn (more info on Brian here.) Should be great. If that doesn't strike your fancy, or you want to run over there during breaks at the 40 Watt, Tom Petty cover band Heavy Petty is playing outside at Farm 255. Between those two venues at Flicker is Page Campbell (Hope for Agoldensummer) and Melissa Lynn Colbert (Creepy). After all that, hop on over to Little Kings for DJ Other Voices Other Rooms.At 3 p.m. at Floorspace, for ladies only, is Dance Dance Party Party. And don't forget about the Farmer's Market at Bishop Park from 8-12.
Sunday:
It's for charity, so I"ll mention it. Over at National:
Seasonal family-style dinner to benefit Terra Madre, an international group working to increase sustainable food production. Make reservations by Oct. 10 by emailing meleventry@aol.com or calling 706-206-7490.
Labels: Comedy, This Weekend in Athens
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Rather than take out my work frustrations today on the co-workers who really deserve it, I decided to look to The Internets for a laugh. These did it for me:
"High as F@%k" Music Video (Not Work Safe)
Why Bob Marley Should Not Have Acted As His Own Attorney (Work Safe)
"High as F@%k" Music Video (Not Work Safe)
Why Bob Marley Should Not Have Acted As His Own Attorney (Work Safe)
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
No better place to turn to for the play-by-play of the Democratic National Convention than Wonkette. Last night's lowdown is no exception.
9:39 PM — And now Brokaw’s just going on with a sad list of terrible things — wars without end, economic collapse, national decline, etc. Why does he hate America?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
In the way of music, you can check out Don Chambers, I presume performing solo, and Matt Stoessel at Flicker. Jim White will be presenting the film Mule Skinner Blues this evening at Cine'. There's two screenings of the film with White performing a spoken word bit in the middle. I'm not familiar with any of the bands at the 40 Watt or the Caledonia tonight. Anyone have suggestions for those bands?
In the way of comedy, Brian Posehn and Bo Burnham will be at UGA's Legion Field tonight.
Labels: Comedy, Tonight In Athens
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Pretty funny not only in its guide to non-comments, but also in its perfect morning show mock-up. Also, while the story isn't as funny, the main headline this week is great... "Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency." (Which reminds me of my favorite Wonkette comment of the last couple of weeks: "Why do muskrats hate America?")
Yesterday, Mezzy Eclipse posted what is rumored to be the first picture of Uga VII, the University of Georgia's newest mascot (obviously on vacation before the fall season). Today, we've got the confirmatory pic! (Click it to enlarge.)
As is UGA tradition, the athletic association's "special council" convened over the weekend for an emergency meeting at the Butts-Mehre building. The meeting does not adjourn until a new Uga is chosen. Early Wednesday morning, red and black smoke began to emanate from the building's main chimney, signaling that a new Uga had been selected. Though the choice will likely not officially be made public until near the fall football season (some suspect it will be on First Friday), the early determination ensures that Uga VI's successor is ready for the fall pre-season training period.
Though a full list is not publicly available, known council members include Vince Dooley, Sonny Seller, Mark Richt, whoever is in the Hairy Dog uniform in any given year, Larry Munson, Herschel Walker, Suzanne Yoculan, Damon Evans, and Dominique Wilkins among others (Knowshon?). Lorne Smith is rumored to be up for induction into the council this year, but it is known that he has previously been denied entry at least 7 times in the past. The last meeting of the council was to elect Scott Howard as Larry Munson's replacement in his sportscasting duties - a decision which as met with lukewarm public reception.
Uga VI was buried on Monday in Sanford Stadium. Uga VII's official game debut will be on August 30th as Georgia kicks off its 2008 football season playing against the Georgia Southern Eagles. Go Dawgs.
Labels: Comedy, Local News, TDJ Originals, UGA
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Just a heads up that Mezzy Eclipse posted one of the greatest videos ever to hit the internets. It will bring up some wonderful childhood memories and simultaneously distort and pervert them. Enjoy.
Labels: Comedy, Music Video
Friday, May 23, 2008
While cleaning up my place (getting ready to move eventually ::sniffle::), I found a checklist from an old job at UGA that instructed receptionists (I wasn't one, so don't know how I got this) on how to handle a bomb threat. Particularly interesting are the questions you're supposed to ask about the bomb and that you should listen up for any "crockery" in the background of the calls. Enjoy:
Labels: Comedy, TDJ Originals
Thursday, May 15, 2008
In short, people liked it. So, what do hacks like us do when provided with a moderate amount of positive feedback - re-hash the same thing with less dedication. Voila: More of the most disturbing songs ever:
"If I Were A Carpenter" by Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash
Sample:
Johnny:
If i were a carpenter
And you were a lady.
Would you marry me anyway?
Would you have my baby?
June:
If you were a carpenter
and i were a lady.
I'd marry you anyway.
I'd have your baby.
"Would you have my baby?"... that's the thing that really does it. Otherwise, it's a love song that basically asks, "If I were poor, would you still love me?" Fair question. But the proposition and subsequent affirmation of baby-making is just odd - there's something very primal in that statement. Granted, it's not as weird as when Method Man suggested to Missy that they should "go halves on a baby", but I think he was joking. These folks sound - and apparently were very much - serious about the prospect. And the whole world had to hear about it. Seriously, take a look at that picture... they were great musicians, but leaving the baby-making out of the spotlight might've made sense. Just sayin's, all.
Video with creepy intro featuring glimpse into homelife:
"You Are Not Alone" by Michael Jackson
Sample:
"Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin...
For you are not alone
For I am here with you"
Color me cheap for going back to the well here, but let's face it: Michael Jackson softly singing "You are not alone, for I am here with you" creeps everyone out. No one relates this song to a man and a woman in love. No one. Everyone thinks about the same thing when this song comes on: Macaulay Culkin. As much as his record company strove to make Michael Jackson romantic, it was never meant to be. And this single helps highlight that ultimate failure. Oh, and the public wasn't exactly clamoring to see Lisa Marie Presley semi-nude-ish either.
The video really is the most disturbing part. Unfortunately, the Google powers-that-be won't allow it to be embedded. So, soak it up here (even if you only watch the first 5 seconds, it will be worth it, trust me).
"Girls In Their Summer Clothes" by Bruce Springsteen
Sample
"She went away, she cut me like a knife
Hello beautiful thing, maybe you could save my life
In just a glance, down here on magic street
Loves a fool's dance
And I ain't got much sense, but I still got my feet
The girls in their summer clothes
In the cool of the evening light
The girls in their summer clothes, pass me by"
First thing's first: I dig the new Springsteen album. It's great. That being said, when an over-the-hill dude starts singing about "girls in their summer clothes", and it's accompanied by a photo of that man leering and dressed in an undershirt and being too old to have a soul patch (scratch that: no one should ever have a soul patch), there's only one thing that comes to mind in this day and age and that's stalking. Creepy, dirty stalking. Do I think Bruce is going all American Beauty on us? Hopefully not. But the song is what the song is. And Bruce, it's weird. Bonus points for working the name Shaniqua into the lyrics, though.
Bruce as a homeless beach bum stalking girls with a video camera:
"Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls
Sample:
"I'd probably be just as crazy about you
If you were my own man
Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime)
Possibly (possibly)
Until then, Oh friend your secret is safe with me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Dont cha, dont cha
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Dont cha, dont cha"
According to Wikipedia, the Pussycat Dolls, "began as a dance troupe based in Los Angeles, was "re-cast" as a music group in 2003." To me, they've always seemed like desperate failed actresses stuck in behind-the-scenes positions (assistants, PR, talent reps, etc.) with a "why let all these young bitches get all the fame" attitude. So, they formed a group and used their connections to make a big single. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. In any case, that desperation and stop-at-nothing-to-get-public-attention attitude bleeds over into that song like nobody's business. It just reeks of a girl so desperate for affection from anyone that she'll sell everything she is to get it. Guess what's not attractive? Psychotic desperation. Also, some of them look like trannies.
Feel the desperation of being not famous in your late 20's/early 30's in Hollywood (NSFW):
"Take Me To The River" by Al Green / Talking Heads
Sample:
"I don't know why I love you like I do
After all these changes you put me through
The sixteen candles burning on my wall
Turning me into the biggest fool of them all
I wanna know
Oh won't you tell me
Am I in love to stay?
Take me to the river
And wash me down
Won't you cleanse my soul
Put my feet on the ground"
In the commentary for the "Stop Making Sense" DVD, David Byrne says that this song seemed to combine the two disparate/strange elements of extreme religion and teenage sex. At first, I thought that Mr. Byrne was just being odd like always and that the song really didn't imply the latter element. In re-reading the lyrics, it kinda does. And those two things together equal disturbing. I don't have much more to add to the topic, and I'm sure y'all're all familiar with that song. Maybe this ruined it for you. Or maybe it made it better... weirdo.
Here's both versions:
(Al Green)
(Talking Heads)
Now, for a final bonus, here's Hassi's nomination from last time for creepiest video: Lionel Richie's "Hello". He basically just stalks a blind girl through a high school. I never thought the guy who was once known for dancing on the ceiling would haunt my nightmares (thanks for the suggestion Chris!):
That's all I got for now (and likely ever). Let me know what I missed.
Labels: Comedy, music, TDJ Originals
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
(Brazenly ripped off from Wonkette.)
Friday, February 29, 2008
Sarah's boyfriend of many years, Jimmy Kimmel, was obviously a bit put out. His revenge ups the ante bigtime (VERY NSFW):
Labels: Comedy, Film and Video
Thursday, February 28, 2008
In case you don't read comments, Hillary hipped us to the fact that Jack McBrayer (who's related to several folks we like) is in a Mariah Carey vid somehow. Weird. Anyway, here it is:
Labels: Comedy, Music Video
Monday, February 25, 2008
Two great film parodies ran on TV this past weekend, both of which will ruin major scenes from these movies if you haven't seen 'em, so only watch 'em if you have...
One for There Will Be Blood (from SNL - not sure how long it'll be up cause they're nazis about YouTube):
And one for No Country For Old Men (amongst others that aren't as memorable as parodies) from Conan:
One for There Will Be Blood (from SNL - not sure how long it'll be up cause they're nazis about YouTube):
And one for No Country For Old Men (amongst others that aren't as memorable as parodies) from Conan:
Labels: Comedy, Film and Video
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Saw this on Saturday night and laughed a lot (a re-run, so plenty of folks probably already saw it):
Labels: Comedy, Film and Video
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Onion with a great political story:
Mysterious Traveler Entrances Town With Utopian Vision Of The Future
Mysterious Traveler Entrances Town With Utopian Vision Of The Future
Labels: Comedy, Film and Video, Onion, Politics
Friday, February 01, 2008
How could I let days slip by before I realized that Yacht Rock 11 was up? It is. Here. Enter the Buffett.
Labels: Comedy, Film and Video
Monday, December 10, 2007
Just wanted to link to my favorite Wonkette headline in a while (the subheading, not the one listed above). [NSFW]
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
When the Onion's on, they're on. Check out this editorial by "Fred Thompson".
Monday, October 08, 2007
How can I have missed this awesome news story from back in June? Was I the only one?
Anyway, in case you missed it too, apparently back in '94 the U.S. Air Force launched a brief but hilariously awesome inquiry into the possibility of using a bomb that would make the enemy so attracted to each other that they would instantly become gay and couldn't fight because they were too busy getting busy with each other. Seriously. A gay bomb. For real. Tax dollars.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Oh, Clay Leverett... rubbing shoulders with the famous. I will just reprint the story as I got it, verbatim, along with the picture. Not sure if anyone wants credit for this, but thanks to C for forwarding me S's forward of D's story (anyone of those people who wants their name filled or this taken down can e-mail us):
"We were having drinks with Clay and the guys from Bright Eyes after they did the Leno show, across the street from NBC studios ... and low and behold there sits Britney... There weren't very many people even in the place at that time of day so NO one was bothering her. As she went to leave there was a nervous hush in the bar area and as she walked by Clay yells, 'Tell those paparazzi to Kiss Your Ass.' Class act, I know. She stopped and smiled, and then a girl asked if she could snap a picture with her and she agreed. In one split second, Clay went from being "too cool" to acknowledge her to fighting to get in the picture. He should DEFINITELY lose some street cred in Athens over this."
"We were having drinks with Clay and the guys from Bright Eyes after they did the Leno show, across the street from NBC studios ... and low and behold there sits Britney... There weren't very many people even in the place at that time of day so NO one was bothering her. As she went to leave there was a nervous hush in the bar area and as she walked by Clay yells, 'Tell those paparazzi to Kiss Your Ass.' Class act, I know. She stopped and smiled, and then a girl asked if she could snap a picture with her and she agreed. In one split second, Clay went from being "too cool" to acknowledge her to fighting to get in the picture. He should DEFINITELY lose some street cred in Athens over this."
Labels: Comedy, Music News, TDJ Originals
Monday, September 24, 2007
Recently I received the best junk mail of my life, courtesy of the NRA:
Seriously, nothing makes those around you comfortable like a large duffel bag with "NRA" written on the side of it. Awesome. As a bonus, they go ahead and send you a membership card with your name on it, and ask you to pay the fees to essentially "activate it" and start getting some weird magazine. That's like providing all-you-can-eat chicken wings and then asking for a donation for the experience of having cole slaw as a side. Who cares at that point?
Anyway, I've got an NRA card with my name on it and that rules. The duffel bag would be kinda awesome, though. So maybe not cole slaw. Maybe like french fries or something.
Seriously, nothing makes those around you comfortable like a large duffel bag with "NRA" written on the side of it. Awesome. As a bonus, they go ahead and send you a membership card with your name on it, and ask you to pay the fees to essentially "activate it" and start getting some weird magazine. That's like providing all-you-can-eat chicken wings and then asking for a donation for the experience of having cole slaw as a side. Who cares at that point?
Anyway, I've got an NRA card with my name on it and that rules. The duffel bag would be kinda awesome, though. So maybe not cole slaw. Maybe like french fries or something.
Labels: Comedy, TDJ Originals
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
In case y'all missed it in the comments on Friday, Dave left this gem:
Labels: Comedy, Film and Video
Monday, August 20, 2007
Let's all take some time to get psyched for Trapped In The Closet, Chapters 13-22 (which you can see for free at the 40 Watt tomorrow night). Preview/summary is here (and definitely NSFW):
After all, this might very well be the last we get for a while if he ends up in jail soon.
After all, this might very well be the last we get for a while if he ends up in jail soon.
Labels: Comedy, Film and Video, Music Video
Monday, July 23, 2007
KM sent us over some stuff...
"Snapped this photo recently while driving around town. Also, saw Loverboy this weekend. Horrible cell phone video up on YouTube (only because it wasn't worth converting myself and posting on the KM site):
The folks in Austell love themselves some Loverboy. And steaks."
"Snapped this photo recently while driving around town. Also, saw Loverboy this weekend. Horrible cell phone video up on YouTube (only because it wasn't worth converting myself and posting on the KM site):
The folks in Austell love themselves some Loverboy. And steaks."
Labels: Comedy, Local News, Music Video
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
I still got nuthin', but here's Strongbad's Property Of Ones, which is only tangentially related to this site in that it's probably a theory that Robo lives his life by even without knowing it exists.
Labels: Comedy
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Since I've been rockin' with the Boss lately (part of my iPod's recent apparent hostile takeover by a Clear Channel classic rock station), I thought I'd post I Hate Music's "How To Write A Bruce Springsteen Song..." It's done in choose-your-own-adventure style and would have been very accurate through 2002 when it was written (pre-E Street Band reunion).
Also, Stiller does a great Springsteen:
I can't find "Bruce Springsteen Makes An Answering Machine Message Tape" anywhere, but that one's funny too. Oh, and if you've never seen the Puff Daddy Fanatic with Stiller and Jack Black, y'oughta.
Also, Stiller does a great Springsteen:
I can't find "Bruce Springsteen Makes An Answering Machine Message Tape" anywhere, but that one's funny too. Oh, and if you've never seen the Puff Daddy Fanatic with Stiller and Jack Black, y'oughta.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
So I'm trying to compile a definite list of the world's most subtly disturbing songs ever written. Basically, any song that is really creepy but doesn't necessarily mean to be. Either the lyrics go astray or based on who's singing them or whatever.
Here's what I've got so far (in no particular order), lyrics linked to through song title, video and audio evidence provided where available, and I welcome further suggestions...
"What's So Wrong With You Loving Me" by Irma Thomas &
"If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right" by Luther Ingram
Samples:
"If I'm not afraid to love you,
and I'm not free,
Tell me what's so wrong
With you lovin' me?"
"Am I wrong to fall
So deeply in love with you...
Knowing you've got a wife and two little children
Depending on you too..."
A coupla' classic soul songs about cheating. They both have in common this factor: the song's protagonists have pretty much stepped past morality at the time the story's being told into sort of the mutual Stockholm Syndrome type situation. They're pretty much like, "Eff the other folks, we need to do this." There are tons of cheating songs out there, but the special lack of remorse in these characters (and almost a self-righteous bravado in some lines) makes them special cases for creepy. They're basically pro-cheating. Weird.
Here's Luther at Wattstax:
"All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You" by Heart
(Stolen from here.)
Sample:
"And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note
I told him
I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree"
The story basically goes as this: Ann Wilson's cruising the highway, finds some dude hitching in the rain, takes him to a nearby motel, they do it all night, and she ditches in the morning. Not sure if the metaphorical "tree" they planted is a kid or an std or what, but it's creepy nonetheless. Plus, later in the song she adds that if they meet again, she'll likely be with some other dude and he shouldn't try for her, but he should know that there's something the hitcher did for her that her fictional future man could not. How does she know this? Is she psychic for her own neuroses? What the hell? Actually, I think it might've been written by Mutt Lange... which makes it WAY grosser.
Video Gross-ness:
"Tonight's The Night" by Rod Stewart
Sample:
"Don't say a word my virgin child
Just let your inhibitions run wild
The secret is about to unfold
Upstairs before the night's too old
Tonights the night
It's gonna be alright"
Yeah, it's about Mr. Stewart deflowering some girl. And the thing is, it starts out a little vague and subtle. It's a catchy tune with some solid musicianship and at its start you're thinking, "Hey, this is a pretty good song..." But the subtlety goes right out the window with the whole "Spread your wings and let me come inside" line. Seriously, I know Rod Stewart was hugely famous and all, but it all seems entirely inappropriate. Like he's secretly her uncle or something. He would, of course, then go on to descend into full cheese-ball-ness.
Here's a special treat to help illustrate the point... Spice Girl Emma Bunton performing the song with Rod! She even cringes at the aforementioned line:
"P.Y.T." by Michael Jackson
(Stolen from a site I can't find again.)
Sample:
"Hit The City Lights
Then Tonight Ease The Lovin' Pain
Let Me Take You To The Max
I Want To Love You (P.Y.T.)
Pretty Young Thing
You Need Some Lovin' (T.L.C.)
Tender Lovin' Care
And I'll Take You There"
Okay, this is probably the cheapest joke I could make with an article like this, and it's a stolen one at that. But I would argue that it would be creepy even before the accusations because it's Michael Jackson and he says, "Pretty Young Thing". Granted, he is explicitly talking to a lady in this song. But why put the "young" in there? It matches the beat and all, but there are a variety of monosyllabic adjectives out there... why this one? Would you ever call your nearly-age-matched significant other "pretty young thing"? Just a little off-putting, that's all. Plus, you know, I want to stress to anyone who hasn't heard the song: this is Michael Jackson singing this.
There's not really a vid for this song, but here's some live clips someone's edited with the song underneath. Kinda funny:
"Let's Do It Again" by the Staple Singers
Sample:
"Let's do it in the mornin'
Sweet breeze in the summer time
Feeling your sweet face
All laid up next to mine
Sweet love in the midnight
Good sleep, come mornin' light
No worries 'bout nothin'
Just gettin' good, just gettin' good
Just gettin' good love"
For the moment, let's ignore the "I feel like a Butterfinger" line from this song (we can pass the blame to producer/songwriter Isaac Hayes on that one) and let's focus on what's really disturbing about the song: the alternating woman/man parts are sung by Mavis Staples and Pops Staples - her father! How weird is that? Double up on the fact that the Staple Singers were some kind of moral force that arose from the church to deliver spiritual and political anthems throughout the 50's, 60's, and 70's only to have this final successful single be all about love-making raunch. By any other group, or really even if you'd just gotten Isaac himself to do the lead male vocal, this would be another great 70's soul/funk hit about gettin' it on. As it stands, it's like some nasty Electra complex slow dance anthem.
Here's a snippet with an equally unlikely couple:
And in case you've never heard the song and want to actually creep yourself out with the real duet factor, here's a video featuring the full song set to beach scenes:
"I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues" by Elton John
Sample:
"Laughing like children,
Living like lovers
Rolling like thunder
Under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues"
You all know you cringe at the line about him "rolling like thunder under the covers". And the thing is this: some people say it's because he's gay, but that's not it. The reason is two-fold: 1) It's a weird line. It's ambiguous and no one knows what that means and it doesn't sound appealing in the slightest and 2) He's Elton John. If you took a poll, I'd bet you'd find that 99.9% of gay people don't even find that concept appealing with him involved. Or at all. Plus, it's a woman in the song anyway. So, let's all stop the homophobic finger-pointing and agree that no one wants to roll like thunder under the covers and would prefer a more appealing simile.
Elton rolling like thunder through the years:
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"Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes
(Stolen from Vet Pharmacist)
Sample:
"I was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn-out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read"
Everyone knows the chorus to this song, and many know of its most brilliant use in a film (in the Norm McDonald vehicle "Dirty Work"), but often people miss the weirdo lyrics. Really, think about it, it's dude that's totally burned out in his relationship answering a personal ad for blind date, which turns out to have been placed by his girlfriend who was also burned out. In the song, they end up laughing about it and re-discovering each other. In life, we're talking about total disaster. Months of counseling after the break-up. And a total, systemic shock upon meeting eyes in the moment. Plus, the possible lifelong realization that you're both doomed to eventually bore the hell out of anyone else you meet despite how interesting you might seem at the start. But maybe that's the lesson The Pina Colada song has to teach us all in its own very creepy way.
To really soak it in, you have to see Rupert perform it:
Here's what I've got so far (in no particular order), lyrics linked to through song title, video and audio evidence provided where available, and I welcome further suggestions...
"What's So Wrong With You Loving Me" by Irma Thomas &
"If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right" by Luther Ingram
Samples:
"If I'm not afraid to love you,
and I'm not free,
Tell me what's so wrong
With you lovin' me?"
"Am I wrong to fall
So deeply in love with you...
Knowing you've got a wife and two little children
Depending on you too..."
A coupla' classic soul songs about cheating. They both have in common this factor: the song's protagonists have pretty much stepped past morality at the time the story's being told into sort of the mutual Stockholm Syndrome type situation. They're pretty much like, "Eff the other folks, we need to do this." There are tons of cheating songs out there, but the special lack of remorse in these characters (and almost a self-righteous bravado in some lines) makes them special cases for creepy. They're basically pro-cheating. Weird.
Here's Luther at Wattstax:
"All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You" by Heart
(Stolen from here.)
Sample:
"And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note
I told him
I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree"
The story basically goes as this: Ann Wilson's cruising the highway, finds some dude hitching in the rain, takes him to a nearby motel, they do it all night, and she ditches in the morning. Not sure if the metaphorical "tree" they planted is a kid or an std or what, but it's creepy nonetheless. Plus, later in the song she adds that if they meet again, she'll likely be with some other dude and he shouldn't try for her, but he should know that there's something the hitcher did for her that her fictional future man could not. How does she know this? Is she psychic for her own neuroses? What the hell? Actually, I think it might've been written by Mutt Lange... which makes it WAY grosser.
Video Gross-ness:
"Tonight's The Night" by Rod Stewart
Sample:
"Don't say a word my virgin child
Just let your inhibitions run wild
The secret is about to unfold
Upstairs before the night's too old
Tonights the night
It's gonna be alright"
Yeah, it's about Mr. Stewart deflowering some girl. And the thing is, it starts out a little vague and subtle. It's a catchy tune with some solid musicianship and at its start you're thinking, "Hey, this is a pretty good song..." But the subtlety goes right out the window with the whole "Spread your wings and let me come inside" line. Seriously, I know Rod Stewart was hugely famous and all, but it all seems entirely inappropriate. Like he's secretly her uncle or something. He would, of course, then go on to descend into full cheese-ball-ness.
Here's a special treat to help illustrate the point... Spice Girl Emma Bunton performing the song with Rod! She even cringes at the aforementioned line:
"P.Y.T." by Michael Jackson
(Stolen from a site I can't find again.)
Sample:
"Hit The City Lights
Then Tonight Ease The Lovin' Pain
Let Me Take You To The Max
I Want To Love You (P.Y.T.)
Pretty Young Thing
You Need Some Lovin' (T.L.C.)
Tender Lovin' Care
And I'll Take You There"
Okay, this is probably the cheapest joke I could make with an article like this, and it's a stolen one at that. But I would argue that it would be creepy even before the accusations because it's Michael Jackson and he says, "Pretty Young Thing". Granted, he is explicitly talking to a lady in this song. But why put the "young" in there? It matches the beat and all, but there are a variety of monosyllabic adjectives out there... why this one? Would you ever call your nearly-age-matched significant other "pretty young thing"? Just a little off-putting, that's all. Plus, you know, I want to stress to anyone who hasn't heard the song: this is Michael Jackson singing this.
There's not really a vid for this song, but here's some live clips someone's edited with the song underneath. Kinda funny:
"Let's Do It Again" by the Staple Singers
Sample:
"Let's do it in the mornin'
Sweet breeze in the summer time
Feeling your sweet face
All laid up next to mine
Sweet love in the midnight
Good sleep, come mornin' light
No worries 'bout nothin'
Just gettin' good, just gettin' good
Just gettin' good love"
For the moment, let's ignore the "I feel like a Butterfinger" line from this song (we can pass the blame to producer/songwriter Isaac Hayes on that one) and let's focus on what's really disturbing about the song: the alternating woman/man parts are sung by Mavis Staples and Pops Staples - her father! How weird is that? Double up on the fact that the Staple Singers were some kind of moral force that arose from the church to deliver spiritual and political anthems throughout the 50's, 60's, and 70's only to have this final successful single be all about love-making raunch. By any other group, or really even if you'd just gotten Isaac himself to do the lead male vocal, this would be another great 70's soul/funk hit about gettin' it on. As it stands, it's like some nasty Electra complex slow dance anthem.
Here's a snippet with an equally unlikely couple:
And in case you've never heard the song and want to actually creep yourself out with the real duet factor, here's a video featuring the full song set to beach scenes:
"I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues" by Elton John
Sample:
"Laughing like children,
Living like lovers
Rolling like thunder
Under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues"
You all know you cringe at the line about him "rolling like thunder under the covers". And the thing is this: some people say it's because he's gay, but that's not it. The reason is two-fold: 1) It's a weird line. It's ambiguous and no one knows what that means and it doesn't sound appealing in the slightest and 2) He's Elton John. If you took a poll, I'd bet you'd find that 99.9% of gay people don't even find that concept appealing with him involved. Or at all. Plus, it's a woman in the song anyway. So, let's all stop the homophobic finger-pointing and agree that no one wants to roll like thunder under the covers and would prefer a more appealing simile.
Elton rolling like thunder through the years:
"Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes
(Stolen from Vet Pharmacist)
Sample:
"I was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn-out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read"
Everyone knows the chorus to this song, and many know of its most brilliant use in a film (in the Norm McDonald vehicle "Dirty Work"), but often people miss the weirdo lyrics. Really, think about it, it's dude that's totally burned out in his relationship answering a personal ad for blind date, which turns out to have been placed by his girlfriend who was also burned out. In the song, they end up laughing about it and re-discovering each other. In life, we're talking about total disaster. Months of counseling after the break-up. And a total, systemic shock upon meeting eyes in the moment. Plus, the possible lifelong realization that you're both doomed to eventually bore the hell out of anyone else you meet despite how interesting you might seem at the start. But maybe that's the lesson The Pina Colada song has to teach us all in its own very creepy way.
To really soak it in, you have to see Rupert perform it:
Labels: Comedy, Conversation Topics, TDJ Originals
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
While we're on an SNL kick...
(Only problem is it cuts off before the theme song, but I can't find the full video anywhere else.)
(Only problem is it cuts off before the theme song, but I can't find the full video anywhere else.)
Labels: Comedy, Film and Video
Monday, May 14, 2007
Friday, May 04, 2007
Thursday, May 03, 2007
I don't know how to make the accented character above, but you get the point. Hillary recently pointed out that even Google Ads in our Haloscan comments are pointing the finger at our unabashed love of drink.
UPDATE: Thanks to Chris, I now (probably for a limited time) know how to make that symbol. Stupid France.
UPDATE: Thanks to Chris, I now (probably for a limited time) know how to make that symbol. Stupid France.
Labels: Comedy, TDJ Originals
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
"Dude, do the keg stand ... or else!"
"I bet you if I was armed she wouldn't have said no."
"You wanna refigure that tab?!?"
Ah, Nugent. If you don't like it, you can kiss his glock:
(NSFW - but hilarious! Make sure to keep watching after the song for Ted at his gun-craziest.)
Labels: Comedy, Film and Video, Music Video, News, Politics
Thursday, April 26, 2007
I really couldn't help but laugh when I saw the MySpace homepage yesterday. Try to ignore the trisected (through the magic of screen capturing) Hillary Duff and check out the "Cool New People". (I've since realized that they're putting all the candidates who have pages up there now, but this particular juxtaposition - as opposed to say a business casual Obama with a Jamie Kennedy ad - really works well...) And yes, it's a real page. Why didn't he put "swinger"? It's funny.
Labels: Comedy, MySpace, Politics, TDJ Originals
Monday, April 16, 2007
Hey Y'all, so if you haven't heard yet, Henry Owings and the Chunklet crew are putting together this potentially hilarious book called The Bible Of Rock. He explains it better than me, so I'll post his request in a second, but if you got any ideas, please put 'em in the comments. He reads TDJ every once in a while, so it's got potential to be used...
hey guys.And of course if you want credit for you hilarity make sure he can get in touch somehow. Or if you really have a great one and wanna make sure it doesn't get missed, you could always post 'em over in their comments.
So I can't believe this, but the Bible of Rock book is in the final weeks of completion. I'd feel criminally remiss if I didn't make another attempt to reach out to many of you smug yucksters to see if you have any last minute additions or what have you.
As it stands, the book is divided into seven sections (because like the world, God created rock in seven days) along with the cardinal rules of rock and entire sections of biblical rock hoo-hah. If I must say so, it's pretty darned funny. The seven sections include: Band, Bass/Guitar, Drums, Keyboards, Vocals, Crew and Fans. We're open to any recommendations you might have.
So if you have any last minute suggestions or additions (comments like "Never wear your band's merchandise ever" have already been addressed) please send 'em in and hey, you might actually be in a book!
I've cut and pasted a few entries below. Hopefully it'll kickstart your imagination:
You can have either an active bass or a tube head but never both.
The Gibson SG is the most satanic looking guitar out there. It comes with its own set of devil horns.
You should never “save up” for cymbals. If anything, look for ways to reduce the number you already have around you.
Don’t smoke when you’re actively playing your instrument during a performance. Many have tried before you and failed to make this look natural.
If you mention the specific year/model/make of an automobile in a song, it either has to have three chords or four-part harmonies.
Old school microphones onstage are never legit, and mostly sound like crap.
If there are flames on your jacket, shirt, guitar, drums, amp, sunglasses or merchandise, then you are most certainly in a lousy rockabilly band.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
I've known of Nick Swardson's obsession with gay robots for a while now. What I didn't know was that Gay Robot was actually turned into a TV pilot (heads up: clip is 20+ minutes long but well worth it - mostly safe for work with a lot of humor revolving around... well, I'm sure you can guess)...
And when you're done with that... here's a deleted scene:
And when you're done with that... here's a deleted scene:
Labels: Comedy, Film and Video
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Jack McBrayer, brother of local comedy genius Pete McBrayer, was recently interviewed by the Onion. You might recognize Jack from his part in Talladega Nights or in the show 30 Rock. Hopefully, Pete'll stop by and tell us stuff his brother failed to mention in the interview.
(Thanks to Chris for the heads up.)
Labels: Comedy, Interviews
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